More Snow, Honestly! It’s Time to Fight Back

So I’ve lived in the Seattle area for about 20 years.  I’ve seen many snow days, I’ve seen power outages that last days, and I’ve seen torrential rain. But today marks my limit for welcome snow.  I don’t remember ever having this many seperate days of snow.  What’s worse is that the snow from last week never melted so now it’s all icy.  My hill has three patches that haven’t seen the sun in days so it just ice.

The problem is the Arctic Blasts from the North.  What else is from the North?  Canada!  So what does this mean? It’s time to fight back.  If we don’t respond to this latest cold front from Canada then the Canadians Win.  And Canada doesn’t win at anything, except of course Hockey, but the outcome of Hockey has no real relevance for this planet.

So what should we do?  What is a proportionate response?

Well I think this is one of those rare times when California may actually be useful.  Governator I’m pleading with you, send some of your killer robots with heat powers north.  The Canadian Border is weak, they have no defense against an attack like this.

And all of the citizens living on the boarder, please point your hair dryers toward the boarder.  Every citizen can take part in liberating our nation from the ice grip.

After we send the heat wave to battle against the Arctic Blast we can then build A gigantic Plexiglass border so the canadians can still see how amazing the US is, but they can no longer come and enjoy our parks and outlet malls.  This move I am guessing will finally bring the exchange rate back to a reasonable level. That being 1 canadian dollar = .5 american cents (that’s half a cent)

There may be some collateral damage from this battle front, but Mild, Temperate Climates aren’t free.  And I for one will pay whatever price I have to pay to ensure that my Son will grow up in average temperatures of 68 degrees farenheit.

The Canadians think their so clever with their Celsius measurements.  They know that US citizens can’t and won’t do math so they think they can trick us by sneaking cold weather down here.  But no more. Please write your congressman or woman.  And let them know that you support this battle.  If we don’t fight back, Mexico will become the new US and the current US will become the new Canada.  That is a price we just cannot afford to pay.

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3 thoughts on “More Snow, Honestly! It’s Time to Fight Back

  1. I have nothing really constructive to add to this other than I was physically laughing out loud at work! I agree. This is the 1st year in my life that my appreciation for the snow just about negative. Something must be done!! My sister goes to school in Canada… I’ll have her do some undercover spying for us k!

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