Category Archives: Funny

“I think they could take sesame seeds off the market, and I wouldn’t even care. I can’t imagine five years from now saying, “Hey, remember sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!” They’re gonna have to change that McDonald’s song, “Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a …Continue reading “Mondays w/ Mitch”

“Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.” -S. Wright

“I’m not into sports. I mean, I like Gatorade, but that’s about as far as it goes.” -M. Hedberg

Tinsel is really snake mirrors- S. Wright

See, this CD is in stores. The only way I could get my last CD into a store was to take one in there and leave it. “Sir, you forgot this!” “No, I did not. That is for sale. Please alphabetize it.” – M Hedberg

All the plants in my house are dead—I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. -S. Wright

A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, “Why were you going so fast?” I said, “See this thing my foot is on? It’s called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it.” S.Continue reading “Wednesdays w/ Wright”

I rent a lot of cars, but I don’t always know everything about them. So a lot of times, I drive for like ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn’t say a lot for me, but it really doesn’t say a lot for the emergency brake. It’s really not an emergency brake, it’sContinue reading “Mondays w/ Mitch”